EATING IN THE HOOD

If we could exclude tourists, people come to Washington for three reasons; they work for government, they want something from government, or they wannabe one or the other. The District of Columbia is a one trick pony.

Without the Federal Government, DC is just another segregated southern backwater. Indeed, until recently the city, even with the Fed expanding, was losing population. The entire DC school system, 146 years after Emancipation, is still largely segregated; black children at public schools and whites at private schools. And we can’t blame the line separating the races on white bigotry anymore; a black President sends his kids to out of state or private schools. The ‘great divide’ in DC is still black and white, but within these, there are several culinary clusters with unique charms.

Capitol Hill – Eastern Market on the weekends isn’t a bad bet for a crab cake or street crepes. Yet in general, Hill restaurants are mediocre. Then there is the clientele; apparatchiks, politicians, lobbyists, wannabes and their staffs. Anyone who thinks they’re somebody in Washington has a “staff’ or “assistants”. As a group, these folks run from pretentious to obnoxious. Harry Truman hit the mark when he said; “If you’re looking for a friend here, get a dog.” The Hill is not a great hangout.

Downtown - Define this neighborhood as the K Street/ Pennsylvania Street corridor from Georgetown to Chinatown. This is the high rent district, a magnet for lobby and law firms. There are many restaurants along these fabled boulevards where you can eat well and still pay too much for too little; and they throw in a dollop of attitude for free. With few exceptions (the Bread Line and Jaleo), downtown is not the place to look for value or urban charm. Like Manhattan, it is not a place to be looking for a parking spot either.

Georgetown - This former tobacco port is the aging grand dame of DC neighborhoods, a kind of Camelot Left lost. The inhabitants are mostly wealthy white liberals living behind very expensive shuttered colonial facades. Think Maureen Dowd and Sally Quinn. Most of the street people are tourists, students, window shoppers and a few dangerous deadbeats. Georgetown is a great place for a stroll - in the daylight. It is not a great place to drive or park. This is the only neighborhood in the city that declined to have a Metro stop. You may deduce whatever, including stupidity, from this one piece of local history.

Georgetown is still a good place to cruise for food and there is a good spectrum of values. Ground zero is the intersection of Wisconsin and M Streets, NW. Every other building on all four vectors of this compass contains an eatery of some sort. Best bet for visitors or newcomers is to take the Metro to Roslyn, Virginia and walk across Key Bridge. In the process you get good views of the Potomac, some exercise, avoid traffic and avoid the parking stress.

Adams Morgan – The junction of Columbia and 18th Streets NW is the cool or hip nexus of DC – or so residents would have you believe. This area would include Florida and U Street over to Howard University. The flavor of this neighborhood is mostly Latin but not Spanish; more like Mexican, Caribbean, or Central American. This is an important distinction.

If countries were kitchens, Spain and Portugal would get five stars. They have the best pig, the best olive oil, the best cheese, the best bread and arguably the best seafood in Europe. Spanish regional variety is diverse enough to be Oriental. Unfortunately, this great cooking tradition did not travel to the Americas, with the possible exceptions of Brazil and Argentina.

The derivative cuisine at most ‘Hispanic’ restaurants looks and tastes like road kill on a plate; overcooked mystery meat, beans, rice and plantains often covered with melted cheese; in short, heaping plates of unsightly, undifferentiated and tasteless puree.

To appreciate this you have to understand that no Spaniards, Portuguese, Brazilians or Argentines refer to themselves as Hispanics. This term was invented by well intentioned American nitwits to describe their less prosperous former colonies. The biggest culinary offenders are so called ‘Mexican’ restaurants. There may be a noble Mexican cuisine, but that menu has yet to swim the Rio Grande. In short, there are several good Spanish, Portuguese, Brazilian and Argentine restaurants in the area but for the most part, they are not ‘Hispanic,’ nor are they located in Adams Morgan.

DuPont Circle - If Adams Morgan, is Soho then DuPont Circle, at the junction of Connecticut and P Streets NW, is Boho. Like Georgetown and Adams Morgan, the street scene often gets a little dicey when the street lights come on. If you’re not wearing a watch, carrying a purse or driving a car; the neighborhood is no worse than Wisconsin and M. Indeed, picture Georgetown without the tourists and a similar concentration of cafes. For food, the Circle has a spectrum of choices, many of them good. For convenience, the Metro takes you precisely to the middle of the bull’s eye and all the action.

The Burbs – Many of the best value restaurants in the area are located in the suburbs of Northern Virginia and Southern Maryland; the Alexandria, Bethesda and Silver Spring neighborhoods come to mind. All have concentrations of good restaurants and they are all served by Metro.