JUDGING RESTAURANTS

If we can believe what we read in the local fish wrap, the next Great Depression may be upon us. Now more than ever, some familiarity with the notion of ‘value’ seems prudent. For our purpose, there are three maybe four criteria for restaurants; good to excellent food, good service and good prices. A fourth criteria would be convenience, no access or parking hassles.

For me, the meaning of ‘good food’ isn’t complicated. If a café can not make a dish as good as or better than I can make at home, they flunk. For those of you that don’t cook, your tongue is your guide. If your usual meal is junk food, good luck!

Good service is a little more complicated than bringing the food or clearing dishes. If there’s no hello or welcome and just a “what can I get you?” - that’s a problem. If the assembled dinners, male and female, are collectively addressed as “you guys,” - that’s a problem. If a female server uses the word “like” as a hyphen before every verb - that’s a problem. If the menu contains obnoxious admonitions like; “no sharing” or “no substitutions,” - that’s a problem. If the maitre or server’s attitude is larger than their IQ - that’s a problem. The ‘K Street’ restaurant attitude here in Washington is probably a direct import from Paris or New York.

A Four Seasons anecdote should cover the price and parking criteria. We met another couple for a very average dinner in Boston recently. When I picked a domestic wine at $50 a pop, the wine guy (aka smellier) sniffed; “that’s not a choice I would make”. His choice was $150. The final bill was well north of $500, but they saved the best for last. When we got to the concierge, there was a $25 “fee” to retrieve our car. We had a similar experience here at Citronelle.

There is no question that you can get a good meal at Mortons, the Prime Rib, Nora’s or Georgia brown’s – or at any of the pricier places on the Hill, on K Street or in Georgetown. However, many of these are expense account joints or places to be seen. They are many things, but not good values.

Just to underline the value idea, let’s do a little arithmetic. If you ate out at cafes other than junk food restaurants, three meals a day, and limited yourself to approximately $200 per day (a lowball by today’s standards) including friends; your food bill for a year would be $75,000. This is twice the annual salary for an average American. Such a sum also represents a Mercedes, a modest boat or a down payment on a house. Enough perspective?